Caesurians,
Running is hard.
To go for run means to sign up for disappointment and be fine with it. There is always something to be disappointed about. There is always something that feels wrong. Your right leg hurts, your left leg hurts, your knees don’t feel good, you slept too much and feel lazy, you haven’t slept enough and feel sleepy; it’s too bright, it’s too dark, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, your playlist sucks and does not motivate you at all, your music taste sucks, its too loud, its too quite; you run too fast and run out of breath, you run too slow and feel the heavy weight of your body hitting against hard ground, you feel tired, you feel too rushed, you want to stop, you stopped, you haven’t run far or long enough as you planned, your mind wasn’t in the right place, you feel like giving up. And you do give up, and sometimes you should give up in order to run again.
There is always something wrong with runs and they are never perfect. Inevitably in every run I enter the valley of disappointment (see above), and it breaks me, and it transforms me, eventually becomes part of me. It is a constant challenge, and I go through it, I live with it, allow it to affect me and learn to be fine with it, because, in one way or other, I run out of it. It hurts, it irritates, it’s boring, it’s repetitive and it never gets easier — it just you become more used to it, physically, and importantly, mentally.
So why do I run then?
Because it grounds me. Literally, forcing me to feel the hard weight of my body against the hard surface as I jump from one leg to another; and figuratively, returning me back to the reality. It feels real. I absolutely believe that technology improved our lives and would not want to live in the world where it does not exist, but being constantly plugged in to the Web for everything (job, entertainment, education, leisure, socialization) makes my mind feel infinite and endless. Running makes me feel finite, feel my limits and sense the inevitable sharp edges of life. It reminds that everything has the start and the end, and that I have the start and the end.
And that’s why I run. I never win, but I don’t lose too. I am not racing, not against others, not against myself. I am just moving forward, at this very moment, doing my best - physically and mentally within my current limits. There is no past, there is no future. Just a movement and road ahead. It just happens, you overcome it, it ends, you go home, you come back and then it starts again.
It’s not something big and inspirational, it’s not something small and insignificant. It is just a physical movement, and it is also not just a physical movement. It is just that — running, one stride at the time.
Nothing more, nothing less.
See ya,
Adil.